Heart Healing, or an Update

Hello again, one and all! It’s been a long time (nearly 7 months) since my last post and I apologize for my absence. As many of you who have followed this blog over the years have seen, my family and I have been on quite the journey as we’ve sought to follow the Lord in whatever He’s called us to. I’d like to say that it’s always been easy to trust and obey, but that would be a lie. I’ve already talked about the struggle of giving up the (foreign) mission field and the fallout of coming back home. I’ve talked about the difficulty of trying to fit back in at our church and the difficult decision to leave and seek a new church family; a search that took about a year to complete. The fact of the matter is that the last few years have been a time of real struggle in our relationships with God and with others around us.

I’ve tried on and off to devote the time and attention to this blog that it deserves, but truthfully I’ve lacked the motivation. I’ve lacked the desire to write about God because in a way, my faith had been shaken. I struggled, and to an extent still struggle, with trusting Him. I know He is good and that He loves me, but a lot has happened in our relationship and it’s been painful. Now before I start sounding like someone who is blaming God for all of my problems, let me be clear that part of this has to do with a series of expectations that I had come up not being met; and that’s on me.

The biggest problem, as far as I see it, is that I never really dealt with it. I buried the hurt and the anger because I didn’t want it to bother me. I wanted to be the kind of Christian man who trusts fully, and walks in complete obedience and in doing so I never gave myself time to lament everything that had happened. If I’m being really honest with myself and with you, I didn’t want to deal with all of those emotions. I just wanted to forget about it and move on because it was easier. It’s the way that I’ve coped with pain and struggle my entire life. I don’t want to live that way anymore, and I’m sorry that I haven’t been more open with those of you who have been following this blog from the start. By the grace of God, and with the help of my wonderful wife I feel like God is finally getting through to my heart, and mending the wounds that I’ve ignored for way too long.

With all that said, the point of this blog was (and has always been) to share my experiences with you as genuinely as possible and to build a platform where we, as believers, can walk and grow together. It was always meant to be a place where both believers and non-believers could come together to ask their questions about the life, current events, and the Christian faith without shame or judgement. It’s meant to be a place where we can consider the sacred (and the profane) things in life and how we approach them in a practical way. That is the mission that I want us to pursue together.

I’m hoping to start writing more frequently again. If you haven’t already subscribed to Ancient Abandon’s email updates, I encourage you to do so. Links to the social media accounts are at the top of the site if you want to subscribe there too. Let’s get back on track with why we’re all here, and may the grace of our Lord Jesus be with us all forever and ever.


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